Parenting often feels like navigating uncharted waters, especially when the storms of life batter our children. As parents, we instinctively want to rescue them from pain or failure.

But what if our role isn’t to shield them from every hardship, but to guide them through it? What if, instead of being their lifeboat, we became their lighthouse?

Even in the age of GPS, lighthouses remain vital. They signal both dangers and safe harbors, helping sailors navigate treacherous waters. As a lighthouse parent, you can do the same—offering your children the light of wisdom and guidance while allowing them to steer their own course, even through the storms of life.

Understanding Parenting Styles

In his insightful article, “Lighthouse Parents Have More Confident Kids,”1 Russell Shaw outlines common parenting styles: …

“Dr. Mosbacker, how many sides does a biscuit have?” I was perplexed and amused by the question. “Two,” I replied with a puzzled grin. “Right, and so does nearly every student disciplinary case.”

This seasoned, southern administrator was reminding me to investigate thoroughly the facts before making important student disciplinary decisions.

Over the years, I’ve learned how wise and valuable that advice is! Things are not always as they seem at first hearing.

We are prone to jumping to conclusions upon hearing about a student's alleged inappropriate conduct. Doing so is dangerous. Two verses in Proverbs speak of the folly of premature assumptions: “_If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame\_” (Proverbs 18:13), and “_The one who states his case first seems right until the other comes and examines him” (Proverbs 18:17). James gives similar advice, “_Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak_” (James 1:19).

Practical Advice for Examining Both Sides of the Biscuit

While on vacation, my wife and I attended an Independence Day Celebration held in a replicated colonial village constructed of original log cabins, a Continental Army Encampment, and other structures. The event also included a Patriot vs Loyalist debate and a public reading of the Declaration of Independence.

The reading inspired me to reread the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights. Familiarity with our Founding Documents is essential for inoculating us against political and media manipulation and propaganda.

For your convenience, I am providing a transcription of the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights.

Taking time to reread these documents of freedom is a small price to pay for being a well-informed citizen prepared to defend our hard-won liberties against those who would undermine them.

When was the last time your students read these documents rather than reading about them?

In the winter of 2023, I began interviewing candidates for our Elementary Principal opening.   Wanting to cast a wide net, I had many initial Zoom conversations with applicants.  During those virtual meetings, I found myself drawn to several candidates who specifically referred to the concept of “shepherd" as they spoke of their administrative experience as well as their desired future.  That may be because I am a ruling elder in the PCA (Presbyterian Church in America) where the call to shepherd God's people is a continuous refrain.  It may be because I desire so strongly to be a shepherd-leader in my school (in all of life really).  Or it may be that I so often feel inadequate as a shepherd and long to see others for others around me to show me the way.  Truth be told, it is likely the combination of all the above.

As I have pondered the concept of "leader as shepherd," my mind quickly goes to a few folks who have shepherded me well.

The demands of leading a school can be relentless. Long days are filled with presentations to prepare and deliver, conferences to attend, parent and staff meetings, conflict management, board and donor meetings, writing reports, project planning, strategic planning and new program development, managing school finances, conducting interviews, and attending school events Then there are the phone calls, never-ending emails, and text messages.

Long hours with too much to do is typical for leaders. The Harvard Business Review reports that CEOs work an average of 9.7 hours on weekdays and 79% average 3.9 hours on weekend days. They also work on 70% of their vacation days, averaging 2.4 hours daily. Working 9-12 hours on weekdays and more on weekends, holidays, and vacations can be physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually tiring and lead to exhaustion.

Being Tired vs Being Exhausted

It is essential to distinguish between being tired and being exhausted. Tiredness results from working hard, caring for our families and homes, and serving others. This is a good tired that comes from doing good work. Solomon tells us, "Sweet is the sleep of a laborer, whether he eats little or much" (Ecclesiastes 5:12). The sleep of a laborer is sweet because it is earned through hard work. A good day's labor leads to a good night’s sleep. Leonardo da Vinci is attributed to having said, "As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so a life well spent brings happy death." The gospels record several instances in which the disciples kept falling asleep after a long, tiring day of ministry, “He came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were heavy (Matthew 26:43).

Fatigue, conversely, is a state of constant mental or physical exhaustion that negatively impacts our work, relationships, and cognitive, physical, and spiritual health. It is a state of depletion. Exhaustion often manifests itself in depression, lack of motivation, frustration, and cynicism.

How to Avoid Exhaustion or Recover from It

The aphorism “Too much of a good thing can be bad” is often attributed to William Shakespeare, who wrote something similar in As You Like It. In Act 4, Scene 1, the character Rosalind says, “Can one desire too much of a good thing?” This rhetorical question suggests that even positive things can become detrimental when taken to excess. This includes work. John Ruskin says, “For people to be happy in their work, these three things are needed: they must be fit for it; they must not do too much of it; and they must have a sense of success in it [emphasis added]."

Six ounces of prevention

When facing a difficult conversation with an employee or parent, do you feel a nervous pit deep in your gut? I do, and I’ve been in the Christian school business for a long time! Facing a difficult conversation with a problematic person never gets easy, but it can get easier.

Over the years, I’ve learned to fine-tune the way I prepare for and enter into difficult conversations. I’ve also realized that how I communicate can be as important, and sometimes more so, than what I say.

Effective communication is a leader’s most important skill and responsibility. The ability to persuade, inspire, connect, calm, correct, and teach depends on communication skills. We are responsible for communicating our school’s mission and values persuasively. We share biblical truth and how it applies to people, programs, and policies. We communicate in groups and individually with parents, staff, and students. And we often find ourselves speaking into conflict and controversy. The ability to communicate is a wondrous gift and a powerful tool. James reminds us, “The tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things (James 3:5). We are told in Proverbs, “To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is!” and “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver (15:23; 25:11).