Some of Us Have Been Talking…

Dr. Marni Halvorson (Head of School, Covenant Day School)

Dear Christian school parent,

When something occurs that we h ave questions about, it’s not uncommon to ask others their impression or understanding. This happens frequently in connection to situations or circumstances at our Christian school. Perhaps a teacher gives an assignment to students that is unclear to a parent, or a child relays comments made in the classroom that are unsettling. A parent may turn to other parents in the carpool line for their assessment of the situation rather than going directly to the teacher. At times this fact finding clears confusion and it is back to business as usual. Other times, however, the communication begins to take on a different perspective. Second hand information can slip into idle talk or rumor; that is, we have become involved in gossip. This is true not only of parents and the carpool line; there are occasions when a teacher standing at the photocopier may ask another teacher a question that really is best directed back to a parent instead.

Words have tremendous power! They can be used for building up or for tearing down. In The Purpose Driven Life, author Rick Warren writes, “Refuse to listen to gossip. Gossip is passing on information when you are neither part of the problem nor part of the solution” (164). Note that gossip is not defined as untrue information; rather information that we are not to pass along because we are not directly involved as the source of the matter nor as the resolution thereof. What begins as perhaps an off-hand remark can morph into a communication that ultimately is highly inflammatory.

Jerry Bridges, in his book Respectable Sins, makes the point that the Bible is filled with warnings about the sins of the tongue, including gossip (159). Sin is sin, and even sins of the tongue are offensive to God. Unfavorable information can be extremely damaging. Often in the telling and re-telling, a communication “grows” details or the story gets twisted and distorted. We Christians are called to a higher standard. Scripture clearly warns us in Prov. 20:19, “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much.” Prov. 26:20 adds, “Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.”

We want our Christian school to be a place where gossip finds no welcome. Our faculty and staff are working to be conscientious about not spreading gossip. We have challenged ourselves to be accountable in this area. We do not want to be the source of the problem through our own words; we do not want to be the subject of someone else’s idle talk or rumor; we want to avoid being caught up as listeners.

We know that it can be awkward to find yourself near the front end of what is quickly revealing itself to be gossip. It takes spiritual sensitivity and boldness to say, “Please stop. I don’t need to hear this. Have you spoken directly to that person?” It may be uncomfortable for most of us to make such a direct request. But we want to use the gift of language in the manner God intended, to encourage and edify. Eph. 4:29 boldly directs us: “Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

If you agree that we have taken on a worthy challenge, would you join us in replacing gossip with Godly conversation? We commit to doing our best to assure that you have clear and open channels to teachers, administrators and coaches so that you will have timely and accurate information, especially as it relates specifically to your son or daughter. We also commit to assuring you that your communications with us are handled with respect and confidentiality.

May God be pleased with our communications as well as our motives and actions; and may He be honored as we give grace to everyone who hears us speak.

Solomon on Social Media

This article is reposted from http://www.challies.com/christian-living/solomon-on-social-media and is written by Tim Challies. 

Dr. Barrett Mosbacker, PublisherSpecial thanks to Nancy R. DeHaan, MACSA Executive Director,  for sharing this article with me!

Solomon on Social Media

There are many who doubt or downplay the relevance of the Old Testament to our times. Those people have probably never taken the time to read the book of Proverbs. I read from Proverbs almost every day and I am continually amazed at just how relevant this book is. It seems that wisdom is timeless. The lessons David taught Solomon speak to myself and my children as much as they did to the men and women of ancient Israel. The wisdom of God given to Solomon continues to ring loud and clear in my heart.

If Solomon were alive today and we were to ask him how we are to relate to one another in this digital world, if we were to ask him how we can honor God in our use of all these social media available to us today, here is how he might respond.

Count to ten before posting, sharing, sending, submitting. “Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him (29:20).” How many arguments could be avoided and how many relationships saved if people were only a little less hasty with their words? Before posting an article or before replying to a Facebook status, it is always (always!) a good idea to re-read what you have written and consider if your words accurately express your feelings and if expressing such feelings is necessary and edifying. And while I’m on the topic, a spell-check doesn’t hurt either.

Leave the fool to his folly. “Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him yourself (26:4).” There are times when it is best to leave a foolish person to his own devices rather than to try to change him. Sometimes it is best just to leave him alone rather than providing him more ammunition to work with. This means that it may be best to ignore the troll, to leave a rebuke unanswered, than to bait him and to suffer his wrath.

Expose folly. “Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes (26:5).” Here it is—undeniable proof that the Bible contradicts itself! Are we to answer a fool according to his folly or not? Evidently this “contradiction” is deliberate and is in the Bible to show that there is no absolute law in this situation. There are times when folly must be exposed, either if the fool is one you believe is honestly seeking after wisdom, or if his folly will damage others. If a fool is impacting others, drawing them into his foolishness, he must be exposed for the sake of the church’s health.

Know when to walk away. “If a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet (29:9).” There are times when you need to walk away instead of carrying on an argument. Foolish people have no real desire to learn or to be wise. Instead, they only seek opportunities to loudly proclaim the folly. Walk away so you can have peace. Shut down, log off, erase—do what you need to.

Be careful what you read. “Like one who binds the stone in the sling is one who gives honor to a fool (26:8).” Be careful whose words you read and whose wisdom you trust. Foolish men may seem wise, but they will still lead others astray. If you give honor to a foolish man by reading and soaking in his words, you are as foolish as a person who binds his stone in a sling, rendering the sling useless and leaving himself defenseless.

Avoid the gossiper. “The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body (29:22).” There are many web sites, blogs and Twitter accounts dedicated almost entirely to gossip, to sharing what is dishonorable rather than what is noble. Avoid these people and their gossip!

Be humble. “Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger and not your own lips (27:2).” “One’s pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor (29:23).” Let others praise you. If you never receive praise from anyone, especially from those who are wise, it may be a good time to examine your heart and examine if you are walking in the ways of wisdom. Those who are humble and lowly in spirit will receive honor while the arrogant will be brought low.

Mind your own business. “Whoever meddles in a quarrel not his own is like one who takes a passing dog by the ears (26:17).” If you have ever grabbed a dog by the ears you know it will inevitably bring trouble. Grabbing a strange dog by the ears will bring even more trouble. Stay out of other people’s fights rather than wading into them as if they are your own. There may be times to wade into a theological dispute or to try to mediate a disagreement in the blogosphere, but wisdom would usually tell you to mind your own business.

Don’t be a troublemaker. “Whoever digs a pit will fall into it, and a stone will come back on him who starts it rolling (26:27).” Those who exist only to bring trouble to others will pay a price. And unfortunately, on the Internet there are many of these people. Don’t be one!

Examine why you write. “A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike (27:14).” The proverb speaks of a quarrelsome wife, but it could as easily apply to anyone. If you are writing merely to be quarrelsome or because you enjoy an argument, perhaps it is best to find something else to do. “As charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife.” Do not be the kind of person who kindles strife for his own enjoyment.

Be careful what you teach. “Whoever misleads the upright into an evil way will fall into his own pit, and the blameless will have a godly inheritance (28:10).” Those who choose to teach others accept a grave responsibility; if they mislead others, they must expect that there will be consequences. Be careful what you teach, what you share, what beliefs you express. Remember that your words are public and that they may remain available forever.

Walk with the Lord. “Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered (28:26).” And here is the key to everything else. Trust in the Lord rather than in yourself. Walk with the Lord and in the ways of wisdom taught in the pages of the Bible. Be a wise man or woman of the Word, rather than a fool who trusts in his own wisdom (or lack thereof). Arm yourself with spiritual maturity, with true wisdom, before venturing into the world of social media.