How To Reduce Stress in Your Life and Leadership

This is a simple and personal article on how to reduce stress and live with less anxiety. There are no magic pills but there are reliable principles and practices. They are simple in concept but hard to consistently apply. But they work.

There are a lot of stresses in our lives. As superintendent of a large school I live with a degree of low level stress that can spike significantly depending on people and circumstances. As a human being I am daily confronted with the stresses of daily living—family, financial, social, and physical, not to mention the stress that can be brought to bear from national and international affairs.

As Jesus said, “In the world you will have tribulation.” But he also said, “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

I want peace and I bet you do too—especially peace of mind and soul.
Over the last several months the Lord has taught me how to biblically and effectively reduce stress and anxiety. I am learning to be at peace just a Paul learned to be content (Phil. 4:11).

I have come to realize and accept that I cannot avoid situations or people that produce anxiety and stress, I can only respond to them correctly or incorrectly, effectively or ineffectively, biblically or unbiblically.

Here are the simple principles I am learning to practice. Even though the circumstances have not changed, I have experienced much less anxiety when I focus on doing the following things.

Pray for Wisdom
This is a two-fold prayer for wisdom; the wisdom to respond to the situation correctly and the wisdom to deal with difficulties biblically. Wisdom comes from the illumination of the Holy Spirit applying God’s word to our minds, which requires that we make the study and memorization of God’s word a priority in our lives or we cannot have wisdom. Wisdom also comes from the counsel of spiritually mature and biblically literate Christians.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Rom. 12:2

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. James 1:5 (Note that in context this verse is referring to the wisdom needed to respond to trials properly (See 1:1–4)

But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. James 3:17–18 (Note the characteristics of God-given wisdom)

A wise man is full of strength, and a man of knowledge enhances his might, for by wise guidance you can wage your war, and in abundance of counselors there is victory. Prov. 24:5–6

Learn to Listen
Listening is the handmaiden to wisdom. We cannot grow in wisdom and understanding if we focus on talking and defending. If one is to respond wisely to trials and tribulations brought on by the actions of others we must stop and listen honestly to what others are saying. Seek more to understand than to defend and explain. As Stephen Covey wrote, “seek first to understand and then to be understood.”

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:19–20

When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent. Prov. 10:19

Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent. Prov. 17:27–28

Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy. Prov. 27:6

Speak the Truth in Love
People are the primary source of stress and anxiety. Of course, we usually think that other people produce stress and that we don’t. The truth is that we also produce stress for others.

We make two mistakes in responding to the words and actions of others that produce stress in our lives. We avoid speaking the truth so we are not dealing honestly with others. We are avoiding conflict. We are more concerned with being comfortable than we are promoting truth.

Our other mistake is to permit the pendulum to swing in the opposite direction. We are quick to speak the truth but we are not motivated by the welfare of the other person; we are motivated by our welfare. We are not speaking the truth in a loving manner.

Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ. Eph. 4:15

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 1 Cor. 13:1

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Gal. 6:1

By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.

Just Do the Right Thing
After praying for wisdom to know how to respond and after listening and speaking the truth in love, commit yourself to do the right thing, period. We are not responsible for the actions of others, we are responsible for ours.

But be careful. The right thing may not be what you perceive to be right. The right thing is what is right based on biblical principles and the wise, if uncomfortable, advice of others.

Doing the right thing may cost you. The right thing may require turning the other cheek. The right thing may be graciously and willingly submitting to authority even if you believe that authority is wrong. Doing the right thing may, and often does, require that you humble yourself. Doing the right thing may require giving up your rights, denying yourself. Doing the right thing most certainly requires holding your tongue and not gossiping about others and how they are mistreating you.

Just do what is right. We cannot control what others do. We can seldom control our circumstances. What we can control, as a Fruit of the Spirit, are our words and actions.

But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you. Matt. 5:39–42

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you. Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor. James 4:10–12

Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you. Heb. 13:17

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Phil. 2:3–4

Trust the Lord’s Providence
After praying for wisdom, listening to others, speaking the truth in love, and then doing the right thing—leave the outcome to God’s wisdom, goodness, and providence. You have done what you can and should do, you must trust in and be willing to accept God’s providence even if it is a frowning one.

God does not promise that if we do the right things others will do right by us. He does not promise that if we do the right thing he will prevent bad things from happening to us. To the contrary, the Bible is very clear—the righteous often suffer unjustly. Accept it. Expect it. Even embrace it as good for you.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2ff

Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 1 Pet. 5:5–7

The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil. 4:5–7

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

Who has spoken and it came to pass, unless the Lord has commanded it? Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that good and bad come? Why should a living man complain, a man, about the punishment of his sins. Lam. 3:37–38

In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider:God has made the one as well as the other, so that man may not find out anything that will be after him. Ecclesiastes 7:14

But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips. Job 2:10

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die … a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. Ecclesiastes 3:1ff

Life is full of trouble and turmoil but our hearts and minds do not need to be troubled. We can reduce stress and anxiety in our lives but only if we apply biblical principles to our thoughts and actions:

• Pray for Wisdom
• Learn to Listen
• Speak the Truth in Love
• Do the Right Thing
• Trust the Lord’s Providence

If you and I will learn to consistently apply these principles then we can learn:

not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:5–7

Shalom

18 Ways to Make YOUR Superintendent Very Unhappy

Eighteen Ways to Make YOUR Superintendent Very Unhappy Guest Article, Bruce Johnson

Things brought to him as superintendent for almost three decades.

1. Gossip in the Teachers’ Room and don’t hold anyone accountable for anything they say (and don’t let anyone hold you accountable for anything you say).

2. Trust students (or your spouse) to keep confidences about other students or staff.

3. Break confidences that you have with parents by “sharing” with other parents, co-workers or your spouse.

4. Keep confidences you shouldn’t keep (moral, ethical, legal).

5. Discuss students with other student’s parents.

6. Miss deadlines for grades or reports – or anything else – if you feel you have something more important to do.

7. Teach whatever you want to teach – regardless of the approved curriculum.

8. Be tardy to devotions, staff meetings and class.

9. Question everything – all the time – after all, you know better than anyone else.

10. Tell everyone else before you tell your administrator any complaints you may have about the school or him – or her.

11. Make excuses for your mistakes and never, ever take responsibility for anything that goes wrong.

12. Don’t volunteer for anything at any time, no matter how much everyone else is doing or how much your assistance is needed.

13. Ask for special favors and exceptions to policies that apply to everyone else.

14. Don’t dress or act professionally – and complain if you disagree with any guidelines, decisions regarding curriculum or anything else.

15. Don’t be careful what you say or how you say it to students or your co-workers.

16. Recognize that the Fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22,23 does not apply to you.

17. Don’t be loyal to the Lord, or school, or each other.

18. Remember that the school is fortunate to have you on staff.

They're Coming! How to Deal with the End of Year Disgruntled Parent

I am blessed. Even though we serve nearly 2,000 students representing 1,200 families, I have few disgruntled or complaining parents. This is a reflection of God’s great blessings on the school and a tribute to our fine teachers, coaches, and administrators.

Nevertheless, at the end of every school year I inevitably hear from a few parents who wait until school is out to express “a concern they have had all year.” My first question to these parents is, “why haven’t you shared your concern with the teacher this year?” The almost universal and unfounded response…”I was afraid the teacher would take it out on my child.”

In all of my years in school administration, I am unaware of any teacher ever “taking it out” on a student because the parent expressed a concern. The opposite is more likely. To avoid conflict, teachers are more apt to be overly cautious when dealing with the student of a complaining parent.

Anticipating that you may have a few of these “end of year meetings,” here are a few tips that may help you achieve a positive outcome, one that deepens the parent’s commitment to the school, lessens your stress, and is honoring to the Lord.

Pray: Pray for wisdom and a teachable spirit. Even though the parent’s approach may be wrong, there still may be information that you need to hear.

Actively Listen: Our natural tendency is to be defensive of the school and the teacher. It is far wiser to follow the biblical command to “be quick to hear, slow to speak,” (James 1:19), which was paraphrased by Steven Covey who said, “seek first to understand and then to be understood.” Click here for quick tips on how to actively listen.

Take Notes: This will help you listen actively and shows genuine interest and concern. It also promotes accuracy and provides a written record of the meeting.

Maintain the High Moral Ground and Self Control: No matter how rude, inappropriate, angry, or offensive the speaker may be, the Christian professional, controlled by the Spirit, will not respond in kind. Instead, turn the other cheek. Take the abuse. Bless those who “curse you.” And remember, “a soft answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Prov. 15:1)

Give Assurance: Give assurance that you genuinely care (make sure you do!) and that you will prayerfully and carefully investigate the matter and will respond appropriately. Your assurance must be full of integrity. Do not say you will deal with the matter and then fail to do so.

Wait Before Indicating a Decision: Depending on the situation, it is tempting to being closure to the matter during the meeting. For example, if you prematurely conclude that the concern has no merit you may be tempted to dismiss the concern during the meeting. Or, if you believe the concern has merit, you will be tempted to explain how you will address the matter. Both responses are usually premature in this first meeting. It is far better to assure the parent that you will look into the concern, take time to investigate the facts, pray for wisdom, and then and only then decide on a course of action. Most of the time, there is more to the story than you are hearing. “The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.” (Prov. 18:17)

Reinforce the Matthew 18 Principle: I have found that even when parents are aware of the Matthew 18 principle, they almost always have an excuse for not following it. “I know but….” is a common response. Nevertheless, you need to inform the parent that in the future you will not meet with him or her until they have addressed the matter with the teacher. If the matter is not resolved at that level the parent must meet with the teacher’s immediate supervisor before coming to you. This needs to be said gently but clearly and then followed unless the matter is legal or immoral in nature.

Follow-up: It is very important that you do what you say and that you follow-up with the parent after you have reached a decision about your response. It is inconsiderate and unprofessional not to follow-up. This does not mean that you should disclose everything you have or will do. You must protect the privacy of students, parents, and staff but the parent who took the time to meet with you deserves to hear back from you.

By wisely, lovingly, and respectfully responding to concerns, you have the opportunity to turn a complaining parent into an appreciative one. In the long run, this is pleasing to the Lord and good for your school.

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When Times are Difficult Consider Said Musa

Leading a school can be a tough business!  I joke with my parents that my job is easy;

I only deal with people’s children, money, and religion!

People can be complainers, inconsiderate, gossips, stubborn, resistant to change, and just downright mean and ornery.   Such people can make our jobs and lives miserable.

Before you and I start feeling sorry for ourselves, consider Said Musa’s situation.  After reading of his plight I believe we will gain a little perspective on our troubles.

Said Musa’s Story

A terrible drama is unfolding in Afghanistan: There are reports that Said Musa, whose
situation I described at Christmas, will soon be executed for the ‘crime’ of choosing to
become a Christian. (For background, see here.)

Musa was one of about 25 Christians arrested on May 31, 2010, after a May 27 Noorin TV
program showed video of a worship service held by indigenous Afghan Christians; he was
arrested as he attempted to seek asylum at the German embassy. He converted to Christianity eight years ago, is the father of six young children, had a leg amputated after he stepped on a landmine while serving in the Afghan Army, and now has a prosthetic leg. His
oldest child is eight and one is disabled (she cannot speak). He worked for the Red Cross/Red Crescent as an adviser to other amputees.

He was forced to appear before a judge without any legal counsel and without knowledge of
the charges against him. “Nobody [wanted to be my] defender before the court. When I said
‘I am a Christian man,’ he [a potential lawyer] immediately spat on me and abused me and
mocked me… . I am alone between 400 [people with] terrible values in the jail, like a sheep.”
He has been beaten, mocked, and subjected to sleep deprivation and sexual abuse while in
prison. No Afghan lawyer will defend him and authorities denied him access to a foreign
lawyer.

Any and every human being who is imprisoned, abused, or tortured for the free and peaceful
expression of their faith deserves our support, but Musa is also a remarkable person and
Christian. In a letter smuggled to the West, he says, “The authority and prisoners in jail did
many bad behavior with me about my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. For example, they did
sexual things with me, beat me by wood, by hands, by legs, put some things on my head.”
He added a thing much more important to him, that they “mocked me ‘he’s Jesus Christ,’
spat on me, nobody let me for sleep night and day… . Please, please, for the sake of Lord
Jesus Christ help me.” (See the full letter here)

He has also stated that he is willing to give his life for his faith. “Please, please you should
transfer me from this jail to a jail that supervises the believers… . I also agree … to sacrifice
my life in public [where] I will tell [about my] faith in Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, [so]
other believers will take courage and be strong in their faith.”

… The Wall Street Journal reports that “Afghan officials have been unapologetic:

The sentence for a convert is death and there is no exception.

said Jamal Khan, chief of staff at the Ministry of Justice.

They must be sentenced to death to serve as a lesson for others.

Here is Said Musa’s handwritten letter (click on the image to see a larger version).

Our Response:

• Let’s pray consistently for Said Musa and other persecuted Christians.
• Tell these stories to our students so that they understand the price that many Christians are called to pay to follow Jesus—a price that we and they may be called upon to pay as well.
• Use this story in Bible classes, chapels, and staff devotions as an antidote to the false prosperity “gospel.”
• Our struggles are real and they hurt but keep them in perspective.  Said Musa lost a leg, has a disabled daughter, has been imprisoned, beaten, humiliated, spat upon, and abused.  He will likely be executed for being a Christian.  There is no hint of blaming God, claiming God is unfair, etc.  Instead, he is willing to die publically to be a witness for Jesus.  I don’t know about you, but my meager struggles pale in comparison—in fact there is NO comparison.
• Let us learn to suffer hardship, of whatever sort, for the sake of serving Christ and his kingdom in and through our schools.  May God grant us the grace to joyfully endure hardship and to be counted worthy to suffer for his sake.  May we mirror Said’s commitment to Christ before our students and parents.

Reflections: Revolution, Egypt, and Our Students

Have you been watching the news lately?  The Arab world is in an uproar, Egypt is in crisis, and journalist and pundits are wringing their hands with anxiety. How should we respond?  Remembering that at the heart of our mission is to teach students to use the Scriptures as the foundation and framework for interpreting events in this world; what should we communicate to our students about the events in the Middle East? 

This is not comprehensive but here are some thoughts for your prayerful consideration.

• NOTHING happens outside of God’s sovereign decrees and providential care. From the smallest detail of life to monumental events in human history, our Holy, Omnipresent, Omnipotent, Omniscient, loving God is in control. Consider:
• The smallest of animals are under his care

Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father ... Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.  Mt 10:28–31 

• The smallest details of our lives are under his care

Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell … even the hairs of your head are all numbered.  Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.  Mt 10:28–31

• The nations are under his sovereign control and care

So the LORD dispersed them from there over the face of all the earth, and they left off building the city.  Therefore its name was called Babel, because there the LORD confused the language of all the earth. And from there the LORD dispersed them over the face of all the earth.  Gen. 11:8-9

When the Most High gave to the nations their inheritance, when he divided mankind, he fixed the borders of the peoples according to the number of the sons of God. Deuteronomy 32:8

And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place that they should seek God, in the hope that they might feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us ... Acts 17:26ff

• We are to pray for the Egyptian Christians being persecuted and killed

Finally, brothers, pray for us, that the word of the Lord may speed ahead and be honored, as happened among you, and that we may be delivered from wicked and evil men. For not all have faith.  2 Th 3:1–2

• Pray for the persecutors

But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.  Mt 5:44–48).

• Use current events as teachable moments in appropriate classes. 

For example, the crisis in Egypt lends itself to teachable moments in history, geography, and Bible.  Discussions of biblical truth, geopolitical issues, implications for U.S. foreign policy, the role of believers in seeking peace, etc., are worthy topics to explore.

• We are to care

Our sinful natures and everything in our culture screams at us to be self-centered, self-focused, self-absorbed, and narcissistic.  If it doesn’t affect us, we ignore it.  But this is unbiblical.  Jesus said the second greatest commandment was to love our neighbors as ourselves.  He also told us “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.”  Mt 5:9

Our students are being prepared to be leaders.  These means, among other things, that they are to care about what happens in this world, to believers and unbelievers alike and they are to actively work for peace and justice in this world.  They are to be salt and light as they bring the truths of God’s word to bear on contemporary issues, reflecting the character of Issachar:

Of Issachar, men who had understanding of the times, to know what Israel ought to do.  1 Chron. 12:32a

Some of Us Have Been Talking…

Dr. Marni Halvorson (Head of School, Covenant Day School)

Dear Christian school parent,

When something occurs that we h ave questions about, it’s not uncommon to ask others their impression or understanding. This happens frequently in connection to situations or circumstances at our Christian school. Perhaps a teacher gives an assignment to students that is unclear to a parent, or a child relays comments made in the classroom that are unsettling. A parent may turn to other parents in the carpool line for their assessment of the situation rather than going directly to the teacher. At times this fact finding clears confusion and it is back to business as usual. Other times, however, the communication begins to take on a different perspective. Second hand information can slip into idle talk or rumor; that is, we have become involved in gossip. This is true not only of parents and the carpool line; there are occasions when a teacher standing at the photocopier may ask another teacher a question that really is best directed back to a parent instead.

Words have tremendous power! They can be used for building up or for tearing down. In The Purpose Driven Life, author Rick Warren writes, “Refuse to listen to gossip. Gossip is passing on information when you are neither part of the problem nor part of the solution” (164). Note that gossip is not defined as untrue information; rather information that we are not to pass along because we are not directly involved as the source of the matter nor as the resolution thereof. What begins as perhaps an off-hand remark can morph into a communication that ultimately is highly inflammatory.

Jerry Bridges, in his book Respectable Sins, makes the point that the Bible is filled with warnings about the sins of the tongue, including gossip (159). Sin is sin, and even sins of the tongue are offensive to God. Unfavorable information can be extremely damaging. Often in the telling and re-telling, a communication “grows” details or the story gets twisted and distorted. We Christians are called to a higher standard. Scripture clearly warns us in Prov. 20:19, “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much.” Prov. 26:20 adds, “Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.”

We want our Christian school to be a place where gossip finds no welcome. Our faculty and staff are working to be conscientious about not spreading gossip. We have challenged ourselves to be accountable in this area. We do not want to be the source of the problem through our own words; we do not want to be the subject of someone else’s idle talk or rumor; we want to avoid being caught up as listeners.

We know that it can be awkward to find yourself near the front end of what is quickly revealing itself to be gossip. It takes spiritual sensitivity and boldness to say, “Please stop. I don’t need to hear this. Have you spoken directly to that person?” It may be uncomfortable for most of us to make such a direct request. But we want to use the gift of language in the manner God intended, to encourage and edify. Eph. 4:29 boldly directs us: “Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

If you agree that we have taken on a worthy challenge, would you join us in replacing gossip with Godly conversation? We commit to doing our best to assure that you have clear and open channels to teachers, administrators and coaches so that you will have timely and accurate information, especially as it relates specifically to your son or daughter. We also commit to assuring you that your communications with us are handled with respect and confidentiality.

May God be pleased with our communications as well as our motives and actions; and may He be honored as we give grace to everyone who hears us speak.