I Just Returned from the Future

I just returned from the future.

In one of the strangest experiences I have had in a while, I lived the future as I read about it! I did not realize it for a while but then it struck me suddenly over dinner—”I am what I’m reading!”

Let me explain.

As I write this I am nearing the end of my annual Think Week (you can read details about Think Week in these two articles: How to Reduce Stress While Getting More Done; and in How To Find Time to Focus, Think, and Work). During my Think Week my primary focus is prayer and reading. On this trip I took several books with me including Humility (Andrew Murray), The Culture Code (Clotaire Rapaille), Think: The Life of the Mind and the Love of God (John Piper), Derailed (Tim Irwin), Death by Meeting (Patrick Lencioni), and Generous Justice (Tim Keller).

I also took Anywhere: How Global Connectivity is Revolutionizing the Way We Do Business (Emily Nagle Green). This is the book I was reading when I realized that I was living the future. I will summarize some of the key points of this book and their implications for our schools in a subsequent post but for now let me simply state the theme of the book;

Within the next ten years the global ubiquitous digital network will connect most of the world’s people, places, information, and things, which will fundamentally alter the way we live, work, teach, and learn.

The author, Emily Green, knows what she is talking about. She is the President and CEO of the Yankee Group—one of the world’s premier research firms on the impact of the global connectivity revolution with operations in North America, Europe, the Middle East, Africa, Latin America and Asia-Pacific.

One of the most fascinating parts of the book is her description of five consumer segments: Analogs, Technophytes, Digital Shut-ins, Outlet Jockeys, and Actualized Anywheres (AA’s). As I was enjoying my dinner and reading it suddenly dawned on me just how much I was exhibiting the characteristics of the Actualized Anywheres. The short description of AA’s is that they “bring the concept of a ubiquitously connected consumer to life.” This is when it struck me—-I was literally living the future she was describing!

Here is how I know. I wrote down how I was handling my recreational and work related tasks during Think Week. Here is a short list.

• All of my books, newspapers, and magazines are on my iPad. I read, highlight, annotate, and share my reading content electronically.
• I downloaded a book immediately onto my iPad based on a recommendation from the book I was reading at the time.
• I held a video-call with my daughter and grand daughter using FaceTime on my iPhone.
• I sent an email through Facebook to some friends and family. I accepted a connection request with a professional colleague on LinkedIn.
• I used the Yelp application on my iPhone to find restaurants and read reviews before choosing a place to have dinner. I also wrote my own review on Yelp for the benefit of others.
• I used my Garmin GPS to guide me to the restaurant.
• While driving and while dinning, I used an iPhone application called SoundHound to identify and order songs to download. I liked the songs but could not remember the titles. SoundHound solved that problem.
• I used an application called NoteSelf on my iPad to take notes using a stylus, including notes for this blog article. No paper or pen needed.
• I used the Evernote application to send clippings from the books I was reading to my administrative assistant for her to type so that the information could be put into my Endnote program for future reference and citation.
• I used Logos Bible Software on my computer to study and write a devotional for my faculty.
• I used Adobe Acrobat to print the devotional as a PDF. I uploaded it to Box.net (cloud storage and collaboration) so it could be shared with our parents with a hyperlink in an email, and then I emailed it to all school staff using Outlook.
• I used LoseIt on my iPhone to track my calories and my running.
• One of the books I was reading referenced a 2004 NYT article on how Apple Outflanked Sony in music players (this had to do with Disruptive Innovation). I went to the NYT website and downloaded the article.
• I am using my laptop to type this article using Live Writer, which I will then post to my blog using the same program.

Now, before you react with something like “are you crazy?!” let me highlight the key point. I am using mobile devices connected to a global digital network everywhere I go to get things done and to enhance and enrich my life. I have a seminary’s worth of books in my Logos Bible program. I have an entire library on my iPad for reading. I have a huge music library of beautiful music in my pocket. I can find and read reviews on local restaurants before deciding where to eat. And I was able to speak with AND see my granddaughter even though I am hours away in a hotel.

Some of my readers, perhaps many of them, have no intention or interest in using technology in the ways I describe above. That is okay. They are most likely Analogs. Most people are. All of us fall into one of the consumer segments that Emily Green describes in her book.

What does this have to do with our schools? Plenty! What I just described is how most of our younger parents and our students will conduct their personal and professional lives.

As school leaders we must understand that our younger parents (those born in the mid to late seventies) and certainly our current students and our future parents DO CARE. They will live and work much as I have described above. Mobile computing and connectivity will be a given—it will be woven into their lives. Their expectations are, and will increasingly be, that our classrooms and school-to-home communication reflect the realities of the new Anywhere Global Connectively.

This is a sea change. It is as evitable as the sun rising tomorrow.

Are we preparing our school infrastructures for this change? Are we preparing and training our faculty? Are we preparing our students for the new work world of tomorrow? Are we providing a biblical framework for understanding and using technology for God’s glory? Are we modeling the use of technology for our teachers and other administrators?

This is one of my favorite quotes from the book:

New things are an easy target for those who lack imagination … Years ago, no one understood why e-mail was worthwhile. Now, no one thinks twice about it—but they’re busy talking about why Twitter is stupid. Bob Metcalfe

Let’s put our sanctified imaginations to work—let’s travel to the future and then return to our schools to get ready!

Not Everything is as it Seems

As you rush through your day, put your glasses on—not all is as it seems. Consider this with every encounter—with students, parents, staff, and visitors in your school.

May God give us the heart, eyes, and ears of Jesus.

.

Wagging the Dog: Challenging the Backward Thinking of Parental Surrender

Guest Article by By Jonathan Nazigian

• There is a reason we don’t let 12 year-olds vote.
• There is a reason we don’t let 15 year-olds join the army.
• There is a reason we don’t let 13 year-olds drive.

Children are an incredible blessing from God, and we love them, but let’s face it, they are not the pinnacle of sound judgment. Ask any parent who has seen that glazed, deer-in-the-headlights look staring back at them after they’ve asked, “What were you thinking?” and you’ll know. There is a reason God did not say, “Let the child train himself up in the way he thinks he should go…”

Why? Because God, who created and designed us, knows we come into the world under the curse of sin. We are born in ignorance with our hearts bent toward rebellion. We are not, because of our sin nature, naturally prone to seek out God’s best over our own selfish desires. Just like us, adolescents struggle with many things, but the difficulty of their struggle is compounded with a profound lack the maturity and an absence of real-world experience that helps put those struggles into a better perspective. A few things we know . . .

1. Adolescents have little idea who they are (their true identity).
2. Adolescents do not successfully delineate between what they want and what they truly need.
3. Adolescents have lots of energy but are flooded with hormones. Hormones do not make judgment clearer.
4. Adolescents often have dreams not based in reality.
5. Adolescents are perpetually ungrateful and think the grass is so much greener anywhere else but where they are at the time.

And yet, even knowing all of this, many Christian parents will take the one parental decision that will have the greatest bearing on their child’s future—the decision as to who, aside from them, will most shape the worldview of their impressionable, searching, and vulnerable children for 40+ hours every week—and hand that decision over to the child to make.

As someone who has been involved in Christian Education as a student, a teacher, and an administrator for 33 years I have seen what used to be a rare occurrence grow into an astounding trend. Christian parents who leave the ultimate decision for their child’s schooling in the hands of their child.

Some parents do this directly. “Jonny, where do you want to go to school next year?”
Others do it indirectly; they cave in to their child’s constant complaining often directed at “the school” when, ultimately, the school is not the real issue, just the easiest target.
Others, who want to move their children from the public school system into Christian school, take an approach that is sabotaged from the start, “Susie, let’s just try Christian school for a few months, and if you don’t like it, you can go back to public school.”

It seems the tail is wagging the dog.

Where are the Christian parents who will make a decision in the best interest of their children and then fight for it, despite the external pressures and internal doubts that inevitably come? Where are the Christian parents who will stand their ground and fight for their children’s best future, even if it means fighting with their children in the short term?  Where is the Christian parent who will sit down with their child, look them in the eye, and say

,..To the child who’s being picked on…“Susie, I love you. And I know you do not like school right now. I know your friends are being mean, but just changing schools will not resolve the real issue. Mean girls are everywhere and you will face unkind people throughout your life. The best place to learn how to deal with them is in a school where the Biblical truths of peacemaking and reconciliation are taught.”

…To the child who has dreams of playing sports at the local public school…“Tommy, I love you. And I know you want to play football. But much more important in your life is your spiritual and academic future. I cannot sacrifice that for anything. I love you too much to put you under the influence of teachers, coaches, and friends who have other agendas and do not have your best interest in mind. We can explore township football, but when it comes to your schooling, Christian Education is a non-negotiable.”

…To the child doesn’t like the rules…“Mary, I love you. And I know you would prefer to wear other clothes and that you don’t like some of the rules at school. But your true character and integrity aren’t revealed by how well you obey rules you like. True character is revealed by how you respond to authorities and rules you don’t like. No place is perfect, but your spiritual formation is not something I’m willing to sacrifice to a public school.”

…To the child whose friends are leaving for public school…“Eddie. I love you. And I know several of your friends might be leaving for public school. But God does not hold me responsible for the choices other parents make. God holds me accountable for you. And I know that Christian school is the best thing for you. And I also know what real faith means. It means that despite how it feels right now, choosing to be obedient and to live God’s way will bring blessing, and that God probably has other and newer school friendships waiting for you.”

In the end, it all comes down to how we view what’s most important in the battle for the hearts and minds of our children.

Some parents view Christian Education like Karate classes or swim lessons—a nice little “extra” in their child’s life, so long as it is affordable and the child enjoys it. But if the finances get tough, or the child begins to complain, Christian school can be replaced with cheaper alternatives. Why pay so much for something my child doesn’t seem to like?

I choose to view Christian Education like food or immunizations. These are necessities to my family. I don’t care how much my children complain about having to eat balanced, healthy meals or the momentary prick of the doctor’s needle; my decision is firm, and it is for their best interest. And I will take a third job, do without vacation, or sell my furniture before I place my child in the furnace of an educational system centered on humanism, relativism, and cultural idolatry.

You see, God did not call me to a life of comfort, free from struggle. God called me to train up my children in the most Biblical way possible and to give them every opportunity to turn their hearts toward Him.

I refuse to surrender in this war.
Jonathan

Does Your Waiter Follow These Rules? What Rules Would You Write for Serving Your Parents?

October 2009

100 Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do

NYTimes, Bruce Buschel

Dr. Barrett Mosbacker, PublisherI found the following list of “rules” fascinating for several reasons: 1) It gives me a glimpse into the restaurant customer service world, 2) I found many (not all) of the rules outlined to be consistent with biblical principles of courtesy, and 3) it got me to thinking, “what would my list look like if I wrote one for Christian  teachers and administrators serving students and parents?” 

Here is an opportunity to share with our readers.  Read through the list below.  Then go to The Christian School Journal blog Facebook page, click “Discussions” and under the topic “100 Things Christian School Employees Should Never Do” post the items that you would include in a list of “100 Things Christian School Employees Should Never Do.”  Alternatively, you can post your list with the comment feature (left menu of this article).

If there are 100 for restaurant service staff, surely there are 100 for serving our parents.  After all, they are paying customers of the educational services we provide. 

Like the list below, keep each item simple and straight forward, including a touch of humor where appropriate. 

I will compile the suggestions and post them in a subsequent article.  Perhaps we can compile a list that will be of help to Christian schools and the parents they serve. 

100 Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do

1. Do not let anyone enter the restaurant without a warm greeting.
2. Do not make a singleton feel bad. Do not say, “Are you waiting for someone?” Ask for a reservation. Ask if he or she would like to sit at the bar.
3. Never refuse to seat three guests because a fourth has not yet arrived.
4. If a table is not ready within a reasonable length of time, offer a free drink and/or amuse-bouche. The guests may be tired and hungry and thirsty, and they did everything right.
5. Tables should be level without anyone asking. Fix it before guests are seated.
6. Do not lead the witness with, “Bottled water or just tap?” Both are fine. Remain neutral.
7. Do not announce your name. No jokes, no flirting, no cuteness.
8. Do not interrupt a conversation. For any reason. Especially not to recite specials. Wait for the right moment.
9. Do not recite the specials too fast or robotically or dramatically. It is not a soliloquy. This is not an audition.
10. Do not inject your personal favorites when explaining the specials.
11. Do not hustle the lobsters. That is, do not say, “We only have two lobsters left.” Even if there are only two lobsters left.
12. Do not touch the rim of a water glass. Or any other glass.
13. Handle wine glasses by their stems and silverware by the handles.
14. When you ask, “How’s everything?” or “How was the meal?” listen to the answer and fix whatever is not right.
15. Never say “I don’t know” to any question without following with, “I’ll find out.”
16. If someone requests more sauce or gravy or cheese, bring a side dish of same. No pouring. Let them help themselves.
17. Do not take an empty plate from one guest while others are still eating the same course. Wait, wait, wait.
18. Know before approaching a table who has ordered what. Do not ask, “Who’s having the shrimp?”
19. Offer guests butter and/or olive oil with their bread.
20. Never refuse to substitute one vegetable for another.
21. Never serve anything that looks creepy or runny or wrong.
22. If someone is unsure about a wine choice, help him. That might mean sending someone else to the table or offering a taste or two.
23. If someone likes a wine, steam the label off the bottle and give it to the guest with the bill. It has the year, the vintner, the importer, etc.
24. Never use the same glass for a second drink.
25. Make sure the glasses are clean. Inspect them before placing them on the table.
26. Never assume people want their white wine in an ice bucket. Inquire.
27. For red wine, ask if the guests want to pour their own or prefer the waiter to pour.
28. Do not put your hands all over the spout of a wine bottle while removing the cork.
29. Do not pop a champagne cork. Remove it quietly, gracefully. The less noise the better.
30. Never let the wine bottle touch the glass into which you are pouring. No one wants to drink the dust or dirt from the bottle.
31. Never remove a plate full of food without asking what went wrong. Obviously, something went wrong.
32. Never touch a customer. No excuses. Do not do it. Do not brush them, move them, wipe them or dust them.
33. Do not bang into chairs or tables when passing by.
34. Do not have a personal conversation with another server within earshot of customers.
35. Do not eat or drink in plain view of guests.
36. Never reek from perfume or cigarettes. People want to smell the food and beverage.
37. Do not drink alcohol on the job, even if invited by the guests. “Not when I’m on duty” will suffice.
38.Do not call a guy a “dude.”
39. Do not call a woman “lady.”
40. Never say, “Good choice,” implying that other choices are bad.
41. Saying, “No problem” is a problem. It has a tone of insincerity or sarcasm. “My pleasure” or “You’re welcome” will do.    
42. Do not compliment a guest’s attire or hairdo or makeup. You are insulting someone else.
43. Never mention what your favorite dessert is. It’s irrelevant.
44. Do not discuss your own eating habits, be you vegan or lactose intolerant or diabetic.
45. Do not curse, no matter how young or hip the guests.
46. Never acknowledge any one guest over and above any other. All guests are equal.
47. Do not gossip about co-workers or guests within earshot of guests.
48. Do not ask what someone is eating or drinking when they ask for more; remember or consult the order.
49. Never mention the tip, unless asked.
50. Do not turn on the charm when it’s tip time. Be consistent throughout.

51. If there is a service charge, alert your guests when you present the bill. It’s not a secret or a trick.

52. Know your menu inside and out. If you serve Balsam Farm candy-striped beets, know something about Balsam Farm and candy-striped beets.

53. Do not let guests double-order unintentionally; remind the guest who orders ratatouille that zucchini comes with the entree.

54. If there is a prix fixe, let guests know about it. Do not force anyone to ask for the “special” menu.

55. Do not serve an amuse-bouche without detailing the ingredients. Allergies are a serious matter; peanut oil can kill. (This would also be a good time to ask if anyone has any allergies.)

56. Do not ignore a table because it is not your table. Stop, look, listen, lend a hand. (Whether tips are pooled or not.)

57. Bring the pepper mill with the appetizer. Do not make people wait or beg for a condiment.

58. Do not bring judgment with the ketchup. Or mustard. Or hot sauce. Or whatever condiment is requested.

59. Do not leave place settings that are not being used.

60. Bring all the appetizers at the same time, or do not bring the appetizers. Same with entrees and desserts.

61. Do not stand behind someone who is ordering. Make eye contact. Thank him or her.

62. Do not fill the water glass every two minutes, or after each sip. You’ll make people nervous.

62(a). Do not let a glass sit empty for too long.

63. Never blame the chef or the busboy or the hostess or the weather for anything that goes wrong. Just make it right.

64. Specials, spoken and printed, should always have prices.

65. Always remove used silverware and replace it with new.

66. Do not return to the guest anything that falls on the floor — be it napkin, spoon, menu or soy sauce.

67. Never stack the plates on the table. They make a racket. Shhhhhh.

68. Do not reach across one guest to serve another.

69. If a guest is having trouble making a decision, help out. If someone wants to know your life story, keep it short. If someone wants to meet the chef, make an effort.

70. Never deliver a hot plate without warning the guest. And never ask a guest to pass along that hot plate.

71. Do not race around the dining room as if there is a fire in the kitchen or a medical emergency. (Unless there is a fire in the kitchen or a medical emergency.)

72. Do not serve salad on a freezing cold plate; it usually advertises the fact that it has not been freshly prepared.

73. Do not bring soup without a spoon. Few things are more frustrating than a bowl of hot soup with no spoon.

74. Let the guests know the restaurant is out of something before the guests read the menu and order the missing dish.

75. Do not ask if someone is finished when others are still eating that course.

76. Do not ask if a guest is finished the very second the guest is finished. Let guests digest, savor, reflect.

77. Do not disappear.

78. Do not ask, “Are you still working on that?” Dining is not work — until questions like this are asked.

79. When someone orders a drink “straight up,” determine if he wants it “neat” — right out of the bottle — or chilled. Up is up, but “straight up” is debatable.

80. Never insist that a guest settle up at the bar before sitting down; transfer the tab.

81. Know what the bar has in stock before each meal.

82. If you drip or spill something, clean it up, replace it, offer to pay for whatever damage you may have caused. Refrain from touching the wet spots on the guest.

83. Ask if your guest wants his coffee with dessert or after. Same with an after-dinner drink.

84. Do not refill a coffee cup compulsively. Ask if the guest desires a refill.

84(a). Do not let an empty coffee cup sit too long before asking if a refill is desired.

85. Never bring a check until someone asks for it. Then give it to the person who asked for it.

86. If a few people signal for the check, find a neutral place on the table to leave it.

87. Do not stop your excellent service after the check is presented or paid.

88. Do not ask if a guest needs change. Just bring the change.

89. Never patronize a guest who has a complaint or suggestion; listen, take it seriously, address it.

90. If someone is getting agitated or effusive on a cellphone, politely suggest he keep it down or move away from other guests.

91. If someone complains about the music, do something about it, without upsetting the ambiance. (The music is not for the staff — it’s for the customers.)

92. Never play a radio station with commercials or news or talking of any kind.

93. Do not play brass — no brassy Broadway songs, brass bands, marching bands, or big bands that feature brass, except a muted flugelhorn.

94. Do not play an entire CD of any artist. If someone doesn’t like Frightened Rabbit or Michael Bublé, you have just ruined a meal.

95. Never hover long enough to make people feel they are being watched or hurried, especially when they are figuring out the tip or signing for the check.

96. Do not say anything after a tip — be it good, bad, indifferent — except, “Thank you very much.”

97. If a guest goes gaga over a particular dish, get the recipe for him or her.

98. Do not wear too much makeup or jewelry. You know you have too much jewelry when it jingles and/or draws comments.

99. Do not show frustration. Your only mission is to serve. Be patient. It is not easy.

100. Guests, like servers, come in all packages. Show a “good table” your appreciation with a free glass of port, a plate of biscotti or something else management approves.

What You Would Like to Say to Parents but Can't

This was allegedly voted unanimously by staff at Maroochydore High School in QLD for use on their telephone answering system. Very possibly fake, but very funny.

Also has a serious point that perhaps parents and students should be more accountable and take more responsibility themselves instead of blaming the school for their failings.

A Gardener's Tale

By Boyd Chitwood, Ed. D.,

A story about growing – plants and children – by God's design.

A family once was given a gift by a kind and powerful neighbor.  He told them that at night, as they slept, he had planted for them a garden.  If they cared for it well, it would produce for them both abundant food and astonishing beauty.  What the family saw was a plot of ground with beautifully tilled, rich loam, and the signs of seeds having been freshly planted.

The father and mother resolved to care for it well; they were very grateful.  The son asked if he might have a small portion of the garden to care for and, though they weren't sure he was ready for the responsibility, they gave him a small corner.

They knew plants needed food and water, but didn't know much else.  The boy knew even less, so he resolved to get to know each of his plants very well, wanting to see them grow into all they were meant to be.

The father and mother watered and fertilized, and began to see growth.  They saw leafy greens and grassy shoots and were overjoyed.  The boy followed their lead, but also had been looking at every garden he could find, along with all the produce at the grocery store, and all the plants at the nursery.  He began to recognize some of his plants as they grew.  After awhile, though worried because his father and mother weren't doing it, he began to prune and weed what he knew wasn't true to the plants which were growing.  He also varied his watering and fertilizing based on the growth he saw, and he picked insects off the growing plants.  He tied up and supported some plants, and redirected others.

The father and mother continued to see a profusion of growth – the weather was warm, and they fed and watered the garden with dedication.  More and more things grew, though they weren't sure they could recognize much of it. 

In just a couple of months, both parts of the garden had grown much.  The boys corner wasn't as high or as green, but his had begun to bear fruit and vegetables which he knew were good to eat.  As they ripened, he picked them and more grew.  He also saw astoundingly beautiful flowers begin to blossom, sharing their sweet fragrance with all who came by.

The larger garden of the father and mother was a mass of vegetable plant stalks and grass and leaves with large holes eaten out of them and a few scrawny vegetables and flower buds here and there.  They watered and fertilized all the more, but were very discouraged.

The kind neighbor walked by one day and remarked on the mass of foliage in the garden.  He said they must have worked with vigor and dedication.  Perhaps they could come to his garden and look around a bit.

Then he saw the boy's corner and broke into a brilliant smile.  "Now this," he said, "is the garden grown up into the bounty and beauty I had in mind when I planted it.  Well done!"

_________________________________

Education according to God's glorious design is about hard work, but not just about watering and fertilizing.  Growth conformed to the Lord's plan for each of our children is the standard of success.  With pruning and training, along with weeding and feeding and watering, we pursue the highest good for our children and the greatest glory for our God.

How Not to Be Offended When Criticized

This is a follow-up article to “How To Deal Effectively with Conflict and Difficult People.”

Dr. Barrett Mosbacker, PublisherOne of my favorite movies is Star Wars.  It has a compelling story, good actors, and excellent special effects. 

My favorite character in Star Wars is not the hero Luke Skywalker nor the heroine Princess Leia Organa; my favorite is a short creature called Yoda.  At a little more than a foot tall, Yoda is a greenish brown fuzzy creature.  He is also a Jedi Master who teaches Luke Skywalker the Force. He's very wise, but talks seemingly backwards, verb first and noun last.  He teaches Luke to be a Jedi and drops pearls of wisdom such as "do or do not, there is no try."

Luke learns much from Master Yoda who teaches him the danger of the dark side of the Force.  One of my favorite scenes is when Yoda asks Luke, referring to the dark side, “Are you afraid?”

Luke:"I'm not afraid."
Yoda:"You will be!"

I’m not Yoda but my question to you is, “Have you ever been offended by the criticism of others?”  Have your decisions been questioned, your competence questioned, or your motives impugned? Have you ever been or felt shunned because of decisions that you have made as a teacher or administrator?  If not, in the words of the Jedi Master himself, “You will be!” 

Over the years I’ve encountered my share of criticism—both fair and unfair.  As we enter a new school year I thought this might be a good time to share some thoughts with you about how we can more effectively deal with this unpleasant reality of leadership.

Accept the Inevitable

Anyone with any level of responsibility is going to be criticized.  Consider Moses. 

Despite the fact that he gave up the riches and comforts of the King’s Court to suffer with his people and risked his own life to rescue them from slavery, as soon as the People of Israel were uncomfortable and inconvenienced, they turned on him:

And the people quarreled with Moses and said, "Would that we had perished when our brothers perished before the LORD! Why have you brought the assembly of the LORD into this wilderness, that we should die here, both we and our cattle?  And why have you made us come up out of Egypt to bring us to this evil place? It is no place for grain or figs or vines or pomegranates, and there is no water to drink.

Talking about being unappreciated and having your leadership questioned!  A typical “What have you done for me lately?” response!

The first step in dealing effectively with criticism is to recognize that, like conflict, criticism, is inevitable.  Criticism comes with the territory.  Needless to say, given the sensitive nature of the things we deal with and the hard truth that we are not perfect, we WILL be criticized.  There is no escape; one might as well accept it and learn how to deal with it graciously and effectively.

Trying to avoid criticism and conflict is like spitting in the wind—despite our best efforts it is going to hit us in the face!  Rather than diving for cover, pointing fingers at others, or feeling sorry for ourselves, it is wiser to accept the inevitability of criticism and to seek by God’s grace to use it for the good.

Grow Alligator Skin

Unless we have been personally offensive to someone, the criticism we receive is usually not directed to our persons.  The criticism, although voiced to us because of the role we fill, is not usually intended a personal attack.

Simply put, to lead effectively we must develop alligator skin.  The way we react to criticism can block communication and opportunities to work together. Hurt feelings and resentment do not foster a positive or cooperative environment. At its worst, such reactions can have long-lasting negative effects on our relationships and  are corrosive to the school’s culture.

Keep in mind that the criticism we are hearing is most often directed at a real or perceived deficiency in how something was handled—the lesson, the conversation, the disciplinary action, the policy, etc.  Learning to distinguish a personal attack from a critique, even if expressed in anger, goes a long way to making it easier to deal appropriately with it.  Learning not to let the criticism get under our skin, learning to control our emotions, learning to maintain a calm reasoned composure in the face of sharp criticism, and learning to preserve relationships and unity after the criticism will go a long way to fostering peace of mind and peace within our schools.  In short, love people but have a tough hide!

Look at the Beam in Our Eye

It’s ironic; we don’t like to be criticized  but we are quick to criticize the criticizer!  I believe there are three reasons why we respond poorly to criticism:

1) Human pride:  We don’t like to admit that we made a mistake or worse, that we sinned.  It is much easier to criticize those (usually behind their backs) who criticize us than to admit that we were wrong.

2) Insecurity:  Most of us have spent a life-time trying to prove ourselves worthy—in school, in athletics, in appearance, in career success, in possessions.  You name it—we constantly feel the pressure to “measure up.”  Criticism implies that we don’t and that can be threatening to our sense of self-worth.

3) Our sense of justice:  We naturally and appropriately react when we believe that the criticism is unjust. 

The antidote is to ask the Lord to grant us the grace to readily acknowledge our own sins and weaknesses, to deeply believe that our worth is anchored in the fact our intrinsic worth is grounded in God’s estimate of us, and to respond appropriately to injustice. 

In other words, a little (or a lot depending on the circumstances) humility goes a long way to softening the sting of criticism.  If I readily admit that I am not perfect, that I sin, that I am not always wise, that I don’t always make the right decisions, and that I am merely a  hardworking administrator with clay feet, then criticism will not be nearly so threatening or demeaning.

Be Willing to Take It--Graciously

But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you. "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect. (Mat 5:39-48)

Matthew Henry provides a wonderful commentary for this passage:

See how it is cleared by the command of the Lord Jesus, who teaches us another lesson: “But I say unto you, I, who come to be the great Peace-Maker, the general Reconciler, who loved you when you were strangers and enemies, I say, Love your enemies,” Mat_5:44.

Though men are ever so bad themselves, and carry it ever so basely towards us, yet that does not discharge us from the great debt we owe them, of love to our kind, love to our kin. We cannot but find ourselves very prone to wish the hurt, or at least very coldly to desire the good, of those that hate us, and have been abusive to us; but that which is at the bottom hereof is a root of bitterness, which must be plucked up, and a remnant of corrupt nature which grace must conquer. Note, it is the great duty of Christians to love their enemies; we cannot have complacency in one that is openly wicked and profane, nor put a confidence in one that we know to be deceitful; nor are we to love all alike; but we must pay respect to the human nature, and so far honor all men: we must take notice, with pleasure, of that even in our enemies which is amiable and commendable; ingenuousness, good temper, learning, and moral virtue, kindness to others, profession of religion, etc., and love that, though they are our enemies. We must have a compassion for them, and a good will toward them. We are here told:

1. That we must speak well of them: Bless them that curse you. When we speak to them, we must answer their revilings with courteous and friendly words, and not render railing for railing; behind their backs we must commend that in them which is commendable, and when we have said all the good we can of them, not be forward to say any thing more. See 1Pe_3:9. They, in whose tongues is the law of kindness, can give good words to those who give bad words to them.

2. That we must do well to them: “Do good to them that hate you, and that will be a better proof of love than good words. Be ready to do them all the real kindness that you can, and glad of an opportunity to do it, in their bodies, estates, names, families; and especially to do good to their souls.” It was said of Archbishop Cranmer, that the way to make him a friend was to do him an ill turn; so many did he serve who had disobliged him.

3. We must pray for them: Pray for them that despitefully use you, and persecute you. Note:

(1.) It is no new thing for the most excellent saints to be hated, and cursed, and persecuted, and despitefully used, by wicked people; Christ himself was so treated.

(2.) That when at any time we meet with such usage, we have an opportunity of showing our conformity both to the precept and to the example of Christ, by praying for them who thus abuse us. If we cannot otherwise testify our love to them, yet this way we may without ostentation, and it is such a way as surely we durst not dissemble in. We must pray that God will forgive them, that they may never fare the worse for any thing they have done against us, and that he would make them to be at peace with us; and this is one way of making them so.

Easier said then done!  In fact, we can’t do it without the grace of God. Pray and cultivate the grace to respond as Jesus instructs.  Be willing to take it—graciously. 

Be Quick to Listen

As I outlined in my prior article on conflict, we must LISTEN!  Have you ever found yourself “hearing” but not really listening?  Have you found yourself preparing your “defense" rather than considering the merits of what is being said?

Doing so is both unbiblical and disrespectful of the one voicing his or her concerns.  King Solomon and the Apostle James remind us:

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. (Jas 1:19-20)

A rebuke goes deeper into a man of understanding than a hundred blows into a fool. (Pro 17:10)

Steven Covey, in “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” put it this way, “seek first to understand and then to be understood.”  This requires that we honestly listen to the criticism.  Here are some questions to ask as you listen:

• What can I/we learn from this?
• What can we do better/differently?
• Where is the wheat in the chaff?
• How can I minister to this individual? How can I be helpful?  How can I encourage him or her?
• What can I do to foster a positive relationship?
• How should I follow-up this conversation?

Don’t Discount the Message Because of the Messenger

Some people simply have more credibility than others.  Our tendency, with some justification, is to discount the chronic complainer, the “high maintenance” parent or employee, or to miss the message because of the inappropriate communication or behavior of the messenger.

Don’t.  It is important to look for the nugget of truth that may lay beneath the harsh or emotional criticism.  Listen to the content of what is being communicated, not the way it is being delivered.

This also applies to the “anonymous” letter.  In years past I would typically ignore anonymous letters.  My reaction was, “if they don’t have the moral courage to sign their name, I don’t have time to read it!”  Rather smug, don’t you think?

I have changed my perspective on anonymous communications.  I still give less weight to anonymous letters but I do read them and I do look for that nugget of truth that--notwithstanding the moral cowardice demonstrated by an anonymous letter—nevertheless still needs to be addressed.

Be Forgetful

I have a bad memory, which usually frustrates me, especially when I forget names. However, a bad memory can be a blessing!  

What I mean is this: hear it, deal with it, forget it!  Don’t rehearse the offense in your mind, don’t nurture the anger or hurt feelings, and don’t talk about it.  Deal with any legitimate issues being brought to your attention, even if that is your own failings, work to address the problem(s), and then move on.  Nothing is gained by allowing discouragement or bitterness to take root.  We have more important things to do than nurse our wounds.

Putting it All Together

 

No one likes to be criticized and when we are it is easy to be offended.  It is, however, possible to deal with criticism without being offended—at least not for long-by applying the following principles:

• Criticism is Inevitable-Expect and Accept It
• Grow Alligator Skin
• Look at the Beam in Our Eye
• Be Willing to Take it Graciously
• Be Quick to Listen
• Don’t Discount the Message because of the Messenger
• Be Forgetful

Our Most Important Lesson

The way we respond to criticism may be one of the most powerful lessons we ever teach.  We can give wonderful speeches and inspiring devotionals but the demonstration of the Fruit of the Spirit when dealing with criticism may be what the Lord uses to minister and instruct others.  If actions speak louder than words then how we deal with those who are criticizing us is more important than our pronouncements.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. (Gal 5:22-23)

I encourage you to share your suggestions on dealing with criticism with our readers by leaving a comment to this article.